I’ll start this post off with a bit of a trigger warning (TW): I will be diving a little into death and dying. It might get a little dark. I don’t want to catch folks off-guard, though I do want to mention that this is a normal and unspoken reality for most any of us at some point in our lives. Hopefully these things find us as late in the game as possible, but rather than worry about that storm off in the distance, I’m going to face the beast, name it, and talk about a few tools to cope (based on experience or the advice of sage prophets before me).
The Great Unknown
With the holidays approaching, it feels appropriate to mention the phantasmagorical ways we humans try to explain the common happenings of life. For example — in the dead of winter, when crops and hope are depleted, it is a very human response to share stories of hope and warmth. Hope that help is on the way; the warmth of a bright Christmas star; indefinite oil for the candles, and so on. Regardless of the origins, belief systems, or capitalistic motives behind some of these traditions, they all seem to be grounded in the spirit of hope.
Hope is what I’m finding to be at the basis of modern religion and spirituality. Hope that life has meaning beyond living and dying. Hope that our actions carry meaning beyond our first and last breaths. Hope that our stories will resonate through time like our ancestors before us.
While all of this is comforting, hope, at its core, is fantasy. Stories to keep us from becoming disheartened. Fables to stop us from losing hope. Psalms to nourish our wary spirits.
While nobody can “know” the “meaning” of it “all”. And though the “answer” to the “universal question” may in fact be “the number 42”. I have a proposition for us all.
A statement, phrased as a question:
What if it’s all just okay?
What if — it starts and ends, over and over, indefinitely?
Is the unknown frightening? At its core? At the root of its meaning? Is the unknown frightening?
“It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.” - Albus Dumbledore
Can it be — an adventure?
Let’s take a deeper dive…
Human Experience
I attended a virtual retreat recently that I found resonated deeply with me. The host presented a beautifully spiritual event, with periods of meditation and reflection balanced with sessions of interaction and engagement as a group. I was (and am) grateful for the technology that allowed our group to interact virtually across many time zones for the day. During the event, we took some time to reflect on moments of small pleasures in our lives. We wrote them down, then broke into small groups to share our simple delights:
The process of making tea or coffee
Watching seeds sprout
Catching a first glimpse of a sliver of the moon
Eye contact with family
Reaching the top of a hill and looking out
A key change in a song
Serendipitous moments with strangers
Conversations about nature and care
A sweet treat
A peeled grape
Dessert served to me
Releasing the reigns
Putting down the weight and noticing that I have surrendered (even for a moment)
It was a very human and grounding experience, to reflect on the nourishing moments of my life.
I also started watching the film “Stutz” — Jonah Hill’s vulnerable and intimate conversations with his therapist. In it, Jonah and Stutz discuss the human experience and the Three Aspects of Reality:
Pain
Uncertainty
Constant Work
I’ve watched movies with Jonah Hill as a comedic actor, but to see him in this space — I found it very impactful and profound. For one — the importance of mental wellness and the acceptance of help cannot be understated. But also, and possibly most importantly, WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS HUMAN EXPERIENCE. Maybe it’s just me, but my brain keeps trying to trick me into thinking I’m the only one who feels this way. I couldn’t possibly be, with a gazillion people on this planet… But to simplify the human experience into Pain, Uncertainty, and Constant Work — and also moments of Simple Delights — I’ve found a bit of a comforting tincture there. It’s warm. It was very needed.
Healing Medicine
You see, as a nurse, I have witnessed indefinite human suffering. If I were a veterinary assistant I might have witnessed indefinite animal suffering. If I were a mechanic, I could have witnessed indefinite automobile suffering. But my lot in life continues to be human care. Human Care. The Care of Humans. I care for humans.
As I notice myself drifting away (deterred by the mechanization of the art of human care…) these fundamental “truths” (if such a thing exists) feel like comforting medicine.
Our lives do consist of Pain, Uncertainty, and Constant Work. Okay. I’m putting that down. It’s real, it’s the way life is. There will always be more.
The work is never done. - Nahko Bear & Satsang (link to song below)
And in that — we can find beautiful, comforting joys in our every day lives. Not in the form of a 2-week vacation. Not in the escapism of virtual reality. Not in the mindless scrolling of social media or filling a digital shopping cart ad nauseum.
Think smaller.
Find the magic of the world in the little moments.
When a seed sprouts, it’s not just doing its job for the day. Clocking in at sunrise, clocking out at dusk. Its ability to grow into something new did not occur by happenstance. Nature has assured that the necessary parts would meet, they’d combine to fertilize a seed, then land on the nourishing ground where — given the right water, sunlight, and temperature — the magic unfurls into unwinding sprouts and tendrils on the Earth. What??! WHAT??!! Sorcery.
Like you.
And me.
And them.
And us.
You … WE are not a coincidence.
You WE are generations of natural selection and evolution.
You WE are survival.
Your OUR genetic code has morphed over a millennia to what you are today.
And that evolution continues, in you US, right now.
Wow.
On Purpose
Whether you believe that you were put here on a path set forth by a deity, or that it’s all just a big cosmic joke, or that a bunch of coincidences got us here together today — it’s all gravy, baby.
Jeremy Bearemy, baby! - Michael (The Good Place)
The important task placed on we humans is our awareness of our mortality, and the option to live, or to live a life On Purpose.
Your purpose might be to:
Connect humans to plant medicine
Care for human creatures personally or professionally
Tend to spaces
Create
Mend
Stockpile
Prepare
Comfort
Join
Separate
Weave
Plant
Sow
Sew
Reap
Some people are fortunate and have a solid sense of their purpose. It gets them up, going, moving. It presses the gas pedal and fills the tank. Having a sense of purpose can help keep that human experience propelling forward. What I’m finding now is that my sense of purpose has gotten me into a bit of a hibernation period. A bit of a Wintering. Where I’ve spent most (ALL) of my adulthood caring for other humans. Other adult humans, children, across the age spectrum… and caring for other humans feels like a calling to me. I hadn’t known how to put that into words (and continue to struggle regularly trying to, but here we go again). And when I feel that calling from deep within, and I put it out —
It makes me wonder how far that resonates.
A bell. A gong. A drop of water on still water.
And where I go from here (where?)
And now (when?)
It is my hope that I’m planting seeds of goodness. Compassion. Community. And caring for each other… so that there will be future people… generations (preferably not robots — hopefully we don’t mechanize human care too far —) so that there will be others who will feel called to do the same.
Take good care.
Love,
Jessie
“I Am” by Satsang:
An even shorter sentence (not that it's a competition ;) )... Thank you.