Come to Life

Something happened to the recording and it’s fast-forwarded. Probably because my computer is in the stages of early retirement. Don’t know enough to fix it, so there it is!

Hey ya’ll!

John Prine dreamt of moving where folks say “ya’ll”. I’m good where I’m at right now, but as a Chicago suburbanite I do say “you guys” quite a bit. Ya’ll’s a fun one, too. I try it out sometimes. He also said It’s a Big Old Goofy World. Yeah it is.

Sleep is an indicator. Like blood pressure, heart rate, respiration rate, pain, and temperature. Sleep has a way of telling us something. When we feel more tired than usual, when we’re restless, when we’re woken from sleep by an idea or a noise. I remember having a difficult time falling asleep as a kid. It got better into adulthood, then kids kind of messed that up for a while. Then I had a pattern of good sleep — going to bed when I felt tired, waking up without an alarm clock an hour or more before it was “time” — and in hindsight that felt like balance to me.

Lately, I’ve had periods of being very tired and falling asleep early, then waking in the middle of the night and unable to fall back to sleep. I was calling it “worry sickness”, where the worries about the world would shoot through my head rapid fire. As the “worries” have started to seem like action items that I’m unearthing, I’ve started just letting myself notice them.

What’s waking me up?

What idea couldn’t wait till morning?

Last night? It was moral compasses. Just moral compasses in general. Not mine, or yours, just the idea of moral compasses and their meaning. Let me try to explain.

My moral compass (because I am noticing I generalize a lot and this might not be the same for everyone, so if I say “our”, I mean “my”) is my guiding light. It’s calibrated by lived experiences in my personal, professional, and spiritual life. It’s also influenced by thoughts, emotions, and actions. When I feel balanced, my moral compass rests quietly. When I’m around people whose compasses resonate with mine, I might not even notice it exists. Things just seem right.

Healthcare (capital “H”) has a way of influencing? Calibrating? I’m not sure what it does, but it’s in there somewhere, affecting where our True North lies, or maybe not shifting our direction, but causing our systems to alarm.

What do I mean by alarm?

When an event, person, statement, rule, way of being doesn’t “jive” with the direction of our Moral Compass, it sounds the alarm. Sometimes it’s a quiet alarm. Sometimes it’s just a feeling. Or a passing breeze. The dance of a leaf while the others seem to be still.

Other times?

My Moral Compass can be a noisy bitch. Reeeooooor Reeeooooooor. “Something’s not right. Change something! Do that! DON’T do that.”

Sometimes, it’s obvious what she’s alarming about.

Other times, not so much.

So what I’ve found helpful is just noticing, maybe taking notes, and trying to listen for a bit.

What is so alarming?

Why is my Moral Compass Alarm sounding? Let’s investigate.

If I find the why? I follow that path.

If I don’t, I try to stay patient and let time show me the lesson.

Down the path of investigating my Moral Compass, I might discover the need to recalibrate. I might have had a thought or belief that was outdated, insensitive, or just plain wrong. Whooooeee my Inner Critic is not a fan of having been wrong. We’re working on that, though.

So, I investigate if it’s a me thing.

Then, I explore if it’s an us thing. Am I the only one thinking/feeling/believing this? Am I alone? Sometimes, sure. But, there are just so many darn creatures on this planet, I find it hard to believe I’m the only one who thinks or believes anything.

So if it’s an “us” thing, I might investigate further. Why is my Moral Compass alarming, are there alternatives? Are they “good” alternatives? Should I wait before acting, or act swiftly for the sake of health, safety, wellness?

Whatever the intervention, either patience or action, I then notice I need to observe the response (patiently). Did it work? Does that resonate with me? How about with others whose Moral Compass seems to have the same settings? Does it resonate with them? How’s our garden? Did the leaves continue to wilt, or are they coming back to life?

How am I? Am I coming to life?

Sharing stories helps me come to life. Healthcare has stories — uncountable stories. I was pulled from sleep last night with the thought, idea, path… of telling the stories of American Healthcare.

My scope is limited.

Together? We have a beautiful quilt of experiences that might show a bigger tapestry of life, and a path.

“Nothing to lose, nothing to gain. Come to life. We come to Life!”

“Oh we’ve got it all! We’ve got everything we need!” — Wookiefoot

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If you’ve got something to add — feel free to leave a comment, share your own ramblings, subscribe, send to a friend, whatever feels right. I know I’m not alone in this, and rather than talking to myself, I’d like to hear some other voices. Come on in!

Love,

Jessie

P.S. — the recording seems a little wonky, so there’s that. It’s like fast-forwarded. It came out less glitchy in real life!